New Year’s Resolutions…….what a crock of crap.
And here is the science behind the mirror….. Around 40-45%
of all Americans make one or more resolutions each year. Roughly around 75% of them are kept the first
week of the New Year, after two weeks the number drops to 71%, one month 64%,
after six months only 46% of you jackasses are keeping your resolution.
What does that say about us? And before you answer with the typical lazy,
lack of motivation, too difficult in our busy lives, good god why me…….blah,
blah, blah, blah…bullshit responses, maybe the way to look at it is that we are
making the WRONG type of resolutions.
Maybe, every year we should resolve to start saying
“goodbye”
Goodbye whack-a-doodle personality that causes me to feel
unlovable sometimes
Goodbye constant feeling of having to live up to “some” type
of stereotypical image
Goodbye filter, you know you really didn’t do your job
anyway so why the fuck did I keep you around?
Goodbye listening to other parents when they “try” to give
me parenting advice
Goodbye wine and beer – Hello Kirkland brand vodka (which is
really good and ½ the price of Gray Goose) and Scotch (when my Gram died, she
left me a whole case of really expensive scotch, I should do her the honors and
use it really well this year)
Goodbye young boobies, how I will miss your perky bobbing,
your lovely small nipples and high aspect ratio. I will learn to embrace kindergarten eraser
nipples that now are brown in color (ok, stop here…I didn’t tan them (well maybe)
but it’s not as if I was totally GTL and I got tanned nipples…why did they go
from the perky pink to brown??) I will
be thankful that their still semi firmness will help to alleviate the change in
aspect ratio.
So this year, instead of trying to make some commitment to
the gym, healthier living, or losing weight, I am going to give myself the gift
of lost baggage.
No comments:
Post a Comment