After saying that….I’ve changed my mind…FUCK YOU! I have been incredibly busy kow-tow’ing to
the work masters that I just haven’t had time to post anything. Also, I have been a little bit of a blogging
funk lately, and find myself staring at the blinking curser. (Blink, Blink, Blink – it is fucking taunting
me)
Also, I have been tormented by my “fixed” Satelitte Radio,
after spending a week listening to Nancy Grace, Jane Velez Mitchell and Dr.
Drew, I firmly believe that come December 21, 2012 that either the Aliens or
the Path of Destruction needs to wipe some peeps out. Seriously, quit killing your kids and stop
using Twitter to fucking out people and be complete douchebags. That’s the problem with today’s social media,
no one reasons shit out, they just post all their fucked up shit without taking
a moment to activate your god damn filter.
(I know that mine is broke
sometimes, but sheesh, can’t we all just get along)
Damn, I make cute babies |
Ok – I’ve gotten off my stool. It makes me feel taller…..don’t judge.
Soooo….on to other “news”……
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to my BFF
My BFF (FFFFF) Jenn. She came to visit me so that we
could go out last weekend and we had a blast.
We started the day with champagne and mani/pedi’s. My nails are so sparkly, I almost wrecked our
car while I was gazing at them lovingly.
Jenn and I both would get distracted by the shiny lovliness and forget
talking to each other while we stared at our shiny nails.
I would like to say that we had excellent photos
of this journey, but alas, I left the photo taking to R…..epic FAIL. It’s very difficult to take pictures with one
eye open…..I think that I am going to change R’s name to “Mad Eye Moody” as her picture taking consisted of our boobs,
half of our faces, the ceiling, the floor and other random parts. Damn, I love that girl.
Where is Jenn's head?? |
And...its the boob and half face shot...R.....you KILL ME |
R also had the “brilliant” idea that we should walk home,
like a mile….after drinking….dancing…..eating…..and drinking…..and….it’s
fucking cold…..and I have heels on…..and you fucking drunk wait up for me. So after spending the first half mile trying
to keep R on the side walk, we have to split up so that Jenn and I can head to
my house and R to her house (up the hill….bwwaaaa)
Then…..this happened………
So, I went to Homegoods the other day and bought this aroma fragrance
stick thingy. It smelled really good in
the store and I thought it looked really pretty and would go great in my
bathroom on one of the shelves.
This is EXACTLY what it looked it! |
Fast forward a couple of days……
.
Me: (Sitting on the
potty, playing scrabble on my Nook, new FAV thing to do…except for the vast
imprint of toilet ring on my ass)
Hubby: (Pacing in
front of the bathroom door, looking worried)
Me: Baby, do you need
something? I am just going pee, whats
up?
Hubby: Don’t be mad
Me: Okayyyyyyyyy
Hubby: I think that
you need to go to the doctor…
Me: Okay…and why do
you think this?
Hubby: I think, umm,
I mean, I don’t know who to say this, please don’t be offended, I am just
trying to look out after you. I love you…you
know.
Me: OK….I am confused
here?
Hubby: I think….I
think…that you have a female problem!
Me: And that this??
Hubby: Ok, I’m just
going to say it…..you smell funky down there
Everyone's a Critic |
Me:
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
Hubby: Well, and don’t
be offended. Every time you go the
bathroom there is this really nasty smell and maybe you have some sort of
infection that is making your pee/vag smell. I'm just trying to be helpful here.
Me: Like you were
down there and it smelled…?
Hubby: No, I only
notice it after you pee.
Me: (Wiping,
Flushing, Standing Up) (Grab the white
flowers smelly thing) Does it smell like
this?? (Shoving it up in his face)
Hubby:
AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHHH, GET THAT FUNKY ASS
VAG SMELL AWAY FROM ME
Me: It’s the aroma
thing, not my vag…..thanks
Hubby: Why on god’s
green earth would they make white flowers smell like tuna casserole vag baked
in a whore’s yeast pocket.
Me: I’ll just throw
it away.
Hubby: I am so glad
it wasn’t you, sooo…hey….wanna do it now?
Me: Are you sure you
want to chance it with the stinky speedway?
Hubby: You know I love
you, and it was for your own good
Me: Take your clothes
off
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