Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I am IM'POTENT.....or at least in my own mind

So first off, apparently I was awarded a Liebsters Blog Award from Britt over at Polkadot Clovers  
Apparently, I have fooled that bitch into thinking that I am a funny and witty new blogger.  MUAHHHAHAHAHA…….(evil ringing of hands here), little does she know that it is just a jedi mind trick.

Really, I would like to thank Little Miss Britt for the honors, I am merely watching the world around me and providing incredibly snarky commentary on what I see.  I am a mere hack compared to some of these other peeps, and I am incredibly grateful for each and every one of you that stops by to read what I have to say.  Heartfelt thanks to you all! 

So the rules of the Liebster Blog Award, must the followed (YO) or you will break the chain and the crazy Chinese Lady will totally NO AND THEN YOU!  
Rules as follows:

If you are awarded the Liebster Blog Award, here are the rules you “have” to follow.
1.        Link back to the person who gave you the award.  Yes, you must thank this bitch for thinking that you are pretty witty and/or awesome and/or I had no one else to nominate and/or I think your pretty and/or that dress looks nice on you and/or aahh…fuck it….I think your cool!
2.       Pick five other deserving bloggers to give the Liebster Blog Award to who have less than 200 followers.  You must also say nice things and tell them why they are the fucking bomb.  Which is easy because I only have kool friends!

And I bestow the funky chicken statues tooooooooooooo………………………….

Charity at Metamorphosis  You know when you talk to someone and you hear Angels Singing, like this was meant to be?  Well, when I first met Charity is was so not like that (kidding).  Charity and I are cut from the same cloth.  Opinionated, frank, slightly fucked up, seriously fucked up sense of humor, and the ability to piss people off and make them love you at the same time.  Peas in a Blog.

Jenn at the Pondering Pisces   Jenn and I have known each other IRL (In Real Life for you slow bitches) for almost 12 years.  Jenn might heckle me about calling other girls “besties” but there is only one true best friend that I have and that is Jenn.  She is dynamic, funny, beautiful, witty, and snarky all wrapped up into one fabulous package.  I should tell her more often how much I love her, but since her birthday is coming up and we are going out…..I will just have to post the pictures to prove it!  (PS – R if you are reading….you’re  coming with us…YO…it will be EPIC)

Mandi at Atypically Relevant  Fucking Mandi – I knew that we were soul sisters the moment you posted about making your own dildo…..You are fucking RAD.

The one, the only, Ninja that fends off fucktards and can keep the whores in check, all in one night Front Desk Ninja    Holy Shit, I want to spend just one day hanging out with her at the front desk.  I promise to amuse her with my witty commentary if she lets me hang with her at the Front Desk.  She’s brutal, dynamic, and funny as hell.

And last, but certainly not least…that Dirty Hooker Monica……how can you not love a blog called Dirty Hooker.  Monica is my kind of girl!  From tacky Jesus pictures to that god damn Marquis De Sade painting…girl…..you fucking kill me.

And now, I would like to share some reasons with you all as to why I am so incredibly talented.....

See, this is my parents.....kind of explains it huh......

And the offspring that they produced (meaning me) takes the same amusing pictures

Here is my grandfather, the sign says "Beware of the Orange Baron", he used to mow the grass in his Air Force flight suit....fucking hilarious.  I also included nice pictures of my grandparents....they were my best friends

These are two of my favorite pictures of my grandparents.  My grandfather never left the house without his martini.....the drive from their house in Hawaii to dinner were always the most interesting in my life.  And who else gets taken to Europe over the summer and gets to live in a house on the French Riveria...Yeah, me Bitches!!

Now then, we arrive to my formative years of why the hell I am so crazy......maybe that because we always thought it was funny to take pictures of the "private moments"  Like when Dad is peeing in the lake.

Or when your brother is "busy" sleeping

High School....were we tied a tampon to the car antenna just to see who would notice....

                                                                                                         Or dared each other to stick stuff up our noses.....like bracelets....

College......and our neighbors fridge....says it all

And wouldn't you know that I would meet a man...who's first baby picture shows him giving everyone the bird.....man....I love him.

And a special shout out to our dogs.....who drank tequilla, ate weed, and would lie on their backs while we got drunk playing board games.....just to amuse us!

 So one day, I hope to look like this, since this is my Mom.  59 years old......and who is known to throw out the ole "I used to party like a rock star before there were rock stars....biotches".  I kid you not.

And here is my costume that I made for Halloween last year, that's right y'all.  I was the "Naughty Spottie" while hubby wore his fire turn outs.  And you know what that bastard did, when I was good and drunk....he managed to clip a leash on me....fucker....for the rest of the night everyone was stepping on my leash and I was gasping and choking.  Fucking Retards....

 And our offspring making the Gene Simmons "Kiss" Face.

Until next time BIOTCHES

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