Shut the front door: I will SO GO Fried Green Tomatoes on your ASS

Sad, but true actual picture
of my commute one day

I commute…..every day……each way is a little over (1) hour. So roughly 2 ½ hours of my day each day is spent hanging out with the most fucked up group of people I have ever had the privilege to know. I have seen things that I thought were not possible, some things I never knew existed and some things that are now permanently embedded in my brain that have caused serious damage.

Every single damn day (especially Thursday) I sit and watch, and look around me at the sea of humanity and wonder why there are not more Darwin awards for these people?

Like the lady who breast fed her baby while driving

Not mine - I've seen worse

Or the guy who decided to read his book while we were doing 80 mph

Digging for the nose gold is the most common thing that I have seen

Typical Example

I also really love how you are shoveling the jabba the hut burger in your mouth and then wiping the mayo smear all over your forehead and into your hair…..that is some serious awesome sauce

Or like when you beat your kids while you are sitting next to me with your closed fist and then look over at me and flip me off. Yeah, you are STELLAR. PS – beating your wife and/or husband (cause bitches, I have seen both) is also not too cool along with giving me the hard stare because I called you out on it.

Shalom Bitches

The ones that I want to beat most, are those jackasses that are afraid of the concrete barriers….well you know what muther fucker….do NOT DRIVE next to them. If they are coming up, move over, don’t slam on your breaks because you have spatial disorder issues.

Oh, and if you let everyone and their patchouli wearing grandma in front of you, I will personal get out of my car and stab you in the eye. Its merge, one for one…..don’t think you are being all magnanimous by letting the god damn world in front of you.

Ma finger up your ass

And if you are going to get in front of me and slow me down to “teach” me a lesson. I will take my SUV and jam it up the ass of your Prius so tightly that it will make prison love seem like a romantic comedy.

I wasssnt drinkin ossifer

And if you break one more time for that Hy-Po who has ALREADY pulled someone over on the side of the road, I will ram my car into your ass. HE HAS ALREADY PULLED SOMEONE OVER! HE IS NOT LOOKING AT YOU!! CONTINUE TO DRIVE WITH THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC YOU SUCK ASS

And for the love of all that is holy, if you have bazillion cars behind you, pull the fuck over, and that jackass this morning who cut off the Fire Engine screaming down the freeway, I hope your house burns down.

the real one was better

And to the midget who was driving on 24, I am so sorry that I almost side swipped your car while trying to take your picture - I had to go with this one instead

For now - I will leave you with some of the treasures I say yesterday -