"A" is for ASSHOLES

A is for Asshole’s and Elbows

One of my favorite phrases has always been that opinions are like assholes, everyone has them.  According to my husband (and the majority of my family) I am one of the most opinionated persons around.  

If there is a topic, I have an opinion of that topic.

 

In order to celebrate my first A to Z blog – I thought that I would share in some of the asshole lime light and give the opinions of not only myself but some of the people that I find the most entertaining.

So, I had this one friend who loved to tell me that white people’s ears smell like cheese.  Really??  Only white people?  And like cheese?  Seriously, we argued this topic for almost 4 hours one night.  I couldn’t convince her or sway her opinion.  Asshole.

I think an American Tail was one the best children’s movies that I watched when I was younger.  So when I sat down and watched it with my oldest daughter, she got half way into the movie and started bawling.  She cried for the rest of the ENTIRE movie…..and was so pissed off at me for making her watch a movie where Fivel was lost and abandoned.  I felt like a complete ASSHOLE.

If you wear Ed Hardy or Affliction you are an ASSHOLE.

If you don’t think the best duo ever isn’t BB King and Eric Clapton – YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE

When my girlfriends squee about how great Jacob and Edward are, I call them pussies.  PUSSIES…ERIC is the best, and if you think I am wrong, I will gladly let you call me an asshole.  Seriously ladies, pick someone who isn’t shark boy and who might know a trick or two in bed.  Assholes.

My youngest daughter asked me if Jesus was a zombie because he rose from the dead……I had to think about that one for a moment….and I felt like an asshole.

You are an asshole if you don’t think Evolution wasn’t the best movie EVER!!  Play that funky movie white boy!

Ebonics….what a joke, don’t axe me again. Yep, I'm an asshole.

This one comes from my friend Brian (who by the way is one of my hero’s),  One of Brain’s trainees in EOD School (Explosives & Ordinance) was all full of piss and vinegar to be in the military and thought he was totally bad ass, until he got to the point in the training where they had to work live explosives.  What????? They ask Brian??  No way, man, that’s dangerous!!!  Brian then puts on his best asshole face and is like really??  Jackass did you not read the job description.

And another from my other hero Beverly – who as a military wife gets the short end of the stick every time.  If the asshole behavior doesn’t come from the other military wives – it comes from the people who think that she can make magical jizzy jobs out of thin air!!  My wife has a degree in Art; you should find her a job now.  Whatt??  Asshole.

And last but not least, you know you are an opinionated asshole when you call your future boss out at a retirement party for sucking cock in order to get the top job.  That’s right ladies….that opinioned asshole is all MINE.