C.......Cows are Aliens....DAMNIT!

Cows…..are aliens.  And yes, I CAN hear you laughing.  

But I don’t care, it’s true, they are fucking aliens.  And I am sorry if you are offended by my swear words (but then you shouldn’t read my blog, because I fucking swear A LOT)  

Well, not at home, because come on people I have children and there is nothing less than flattering when your child screams out God Damn after they accidently drop something or when they use those swear words in the most interesting and appropriate fashion. 

But really, I CAN hear you laughing.  In my family, we have always joked that Mommy thinks that cows are aliens.  I blame the way the cows look and Gary Larson.  

If Gary hadn’t of freaked me out so badly with his Farside Cartoons about how cows stand up after you drive by, I might give them a chance.  

Maybe…..maybe…

aww, who am I kidding, HELL NO.  They are ALIENS.  And yes, I enjoy eating the heck out of them, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are spooky to look at with the big googly eyes and the weird eat me looks that they give you. 

And yes, I find it tremendously funny that every time we drive around our town (which is a big farming community) that my girls scream out the window when they see a cow….

ALLLLLLIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNSSSSS

Did you know that there are several sites on the internet dedicated to cows and aliens.  You thought that they were cutting them up to collect information on us.  HELL NO BITCHES…..

The Aliens have turned cows into their own and now use them to watch us.  Have you ever been up close to big cow eyes, it fricking creepy.  It’s like their eyes are empty and glassy…..also seriously what ever made cows must have been incredibly high using their vap-vap and super stregnth ganga weed and thought, “Wouldn’t it be so funny man….h-a h-a h-a to put, like, eyes on each side of their face!”  And their co-creater, was like….”Yeah, that shit would be da bomb, it will really creep out those humans.”

So there you go.  Cows are aliens. End of story.  Robert Mitchum  said it best, “Beef……its Aliens for Dinner”………….

Now, who wants a hambuger?   Anyone…………………………………………………………Anyone?

And Oreo's are Aliens too....LOOK AT THIS COW NEAR MY HOUSE