Have you ever had a vacation from Hell, where you actually
drove through Hell and spent $50,000?
Yep, we did. I should
have known better when the vacation started like this……..
Thank god that my husband is a fireman, because I would have
crapped my pants and passed out. But
with him around, he just makes it seem easier and calmer. “Jana, go get me a towel because we need to
apply pressure.” “Get her some clothes to put on, and go start the car for me” “Jana,
focus on me!” On this particular
incident, my youngest had fallen on the concrete and whapped her head right on
the construction joint of the concrete and split her head like an over ripe
melon. After yelling at the doctors to consciously
sedate her with an IV, 15 stitches later, we managed to get her patched up
before our planned vacation. (As for the
moustache on her face, when asked what she wanted after being sedated, you know
the nurse was thinking…juice…Popsicle…etc., my kid says…. “A moustache”. What the hell? A moustache…ok…I have pictures of the nurses posing with her while she is unconscious and we are painting a moustache on her
face with my eyeliner.
And then…..
We are driving to our cabin with our boat for vacation and
within the first hour, our truck dies – battery get replaced….we drive on. Within the second hour, we blow a hole in the
exhaust system driving the boat up a steep hill and over heat the engine.
Within the third hour of the vacation while towing the boat
to the slip where we are going to dock the boat for a week, the brakes fail
while coming to a stop sign. Luckily we
were able to roll through the stop sign and take a right.
Within the fifth hour, Mommy is drunk and crying because she
can’t take this shit anymore.
The next day, after a fun filled day on the boat, we get
back to the truck and find the tire flat.
Three hours later, two jacks, and an almost near death experience where
my husband was nearly trapped under the truck when the jack failed, we get back
to the cabin.
One hour later, Mommy is drunk again, and Grammie is
steadily feeding Mommy more booze so that she doesn’t scare the kids.
At the end of the vacation, driving home….we drove through
hell. Over 120 degrees outside, no air
conditioner inside since the truck couldn’t handle the air and towing the
boat. Kids wilting inside, adults
sweltering inside, silence for the 4 hour trip on the way home.
Until some jackass tries to pass us and our
boat on a two lane levy road and almost rolls over his car because he doesn’t
see the oncoming traffic. I have never
seen a wife beat her husband while inches from my car. At least they had the decency, when we pull
over to let them pass when it was safe, to stop and apologize for almost
killing all of us.
Day 8 of vacation, we bought a new truck.
One hour later, Mommy was drunk again because this vacation only cost her $50 grand.
Knock on wood...but as a adult, no traumatic vacation experiences.
ReplyDeleteAs a kid our car always broke down on I-5 right outside of Coalinga, you know, where the Harris Ranch Farm is. We refer to that section of I-5 as our own bermuda triangle.
Jenn - DONT JINX YOURSELF!! Just you wait, I am a little worried about this next summer vacation, it should be a douzie!
DeleteOMFG I would've gotten drunk, too!
ReplyDeleteJ - I think I spent that week either giggling hysterically or drinking.
DeleteDamn! You definitely vacationed in hell. Glad everyone made it home in one piece.
ReplyDeleteTracy - Yeah, it was rank. But at least, we can laugh about it now. In that moment, I just wanted to go home.
DeleteDrinking was wise!
ReplyDeleteYep, I agree!
DeleteHell has so many versions, in the immortal words of Socrates, "I drank what?"...
ReplyDeleteHappy... to the challenge "H" is for Harmonious!
Jeremy [Retro-Zombie]
A to Z Co-Host
My New Book:
Retro-Zombie: Art and Words
Maybe someone was trying to tell you that you shouldn't be going on vacation.
ReplyDeletewelcome to me
yummy stuff
Ruth, I kinda wish they would of told me before I went on vacation. It would of been a lot cheaper!
DeleteWow. I won't be complaining for a long time. I am sorry your trip was so miserable. Maybe next time will be better. Will there be a next time?
ReplyDeleteNellie - Let's hope so!!
DeleteThat makes Disney look like a bargain!
ReplyDeleteAndrea - OMFG...Disney....that place is pure evil.
DeleteThat sounds miserable. I just buy the kids a new video game and their happy for a week.
ReplyDelete