Twinkie my winky you ho-ho bitches

Its a sad day when those bike bitches are faster than me

So as many of you know, I have a serious commute to work.  It can vary 45 minutes to 2 hours each way, and its not that I am all like, “OHHHH, I love my job”, “OHHH, I am a serious professional, hear me ROAARR”, it’s like, “OHH, I like shoes”, “OHH, I just dropped a shit load of money at Costco”, “OHH, we need two incomes to make the house payment and everything else”  and finally, “OHHH, I love my ankle biters, but I like work and the fulfillment it gives me in between head bashings.”

That out of the way, during one of my commutes, I heard the following commercial on the radio for a singles and/or dating website.  Now, I already have a beef with Ashely Madison, essentially the twinkie defense for cheaters. 

Where else is there a place where you think you can get all your pie with no consequences?  Hmmm…need a little summer fruit?  Well, dip your wick into our succulent peach pie, ma friend.  Hmm, feeling a little adventerous….try the coconut cream pootie pie….need some more missionary in your life, apple pie is for you!  If you want reverse cowboy, then throw some a la mode and caramel on that shit. 

And if you get caught…..then you can stuff yourself with the zinger zapper!   Now that I have thoroughly exhausted my repertoire of Dolly Madison double entendres, I will continue…

I heard an advertisement for the following “new” dating site, its called “What’s your price.com”  Yeah, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.  Seriously, that is what it is called.  Naw, it should really be called… “Hookas, how much Shiz for your Biz?”

So, some of the tag lines are, “Tired of wasting your time dating losers?”  Yeah, cause you know you are not gonna find fuckin loooooosssers here!  “Successful and generous people will pay for the chance to take you out on a first date”  Yeah, they are called “Johns”  “Here we have thousands of generous singles who are waiting to bid for your affection”  Yeah, smarmy jackass, they are called prostitutes.

I guess if I have to take my preferences of ‘Hos, instead of messing up my street corners they can just pimp themselves out on the net.  I wonder if the Better Business Bureau is going to get involved to regulate da hos?  I can totally see the head line now, “I paid $500 for that Twinkie Winkie and she didn’t even suck out the filling”

Seriously, I want to hear from you if you tried this!