How we frightened the taco man

Note to self, “Filter you suck”. 

Ass Sphincter says what??

So, I have always had a problem with my internal filter, and when I have a few cocktails the internal monologue which escapes my mouth always bites me in the ass.

Like the time I told one of my girlfriends that I thought her husband looked “gay”.  (Yeah, I did).  And yes, I am jealous, jealous of the way that he puts outfits together!!  I mean this man, he has more fashion sense than any of those two bit fashionista hookas on Project Runway.  If he could sew, and I am afraid to ask, I can only imagine he would give Tim Gunn a run for his money.

Bedazzling.....not just for the ladies any longer

He is just perfectly coiffed, like all the time…..and I am jealous!  So the other night, my jealousy reached its peak, when I noticed that my other friend’s husband was rockin’ jeans trendier and fancier that mine.  WTF…..??? Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?  So of course, my filter went a little wonky and I just had to ask, “Did you accidentally put on (Insert Wife’s Name) jeans?” 
 Which I thought was way funny……so did my other girlfriend, but just because we brought our own booze to a birthday party, our perspective might have been slightly skewed.

Well, I know it was skewed, because the “Taco Man” (man who made taco’s for the party) caught us outside when I was trying to show her how hubby humps my back when I bend over.  Enter scene:

Me:  What is with the back humping, why do they feel the need to hump your back when you bend over?

R:  Yeah, what is with that shit?  (bends over to mix a drink from our secret drink bag)

Me:  (Humping her back)  Woo HOO….ain't this sexxxxxie!

R:  (Snorting and laughing and trying not to spill her drink while I am feverishly humping her back)  AAAHHAAAAHHAAA…Dude you are gonna make me spill my drink!

Me:  (Dismounting and Laughing)  Yea….(As I start to finish my sentence, I look over and see the Taco Man staring at us, mid spatula and taco in hand, eyes wide with a back away from the crazy white girls look.)

R:  Hey Taco Man,  Como esta?  Sus tacos son Buenos!  (The irony here is that she is speaking Spanish with an Oklahoma accent). 

So for a fashionista Monday….lets take a look at some of these…….

Everyone was kungfoo fightin' YA..fast as lightening

Jazz Hands