Tuesday, April 3, 2012

C.......Cows are Aliens....DAMNIT!



Cows…..are aliens.  And yes, I CAN hear you laughing.  




But I don’t care, it’s true, they are fucking aliens.  And I am sorry if you are offended by my swear words (but then you shouldn’t read my blog, because I fucking swear A LOT)  











Well, not at home, because come on people I have children and there is nothing less than flattering when your child screams out God Damn after they accidently drop something or when they use those swear words in the most interesting and appropriate fashion. 






But really, I CAN hear you laughing.  In my family, we have always joked that Mommy thinks that cows are aliens.  I blame the way the cows look and Gary Larson.  





If Gary hadn’t of freaked me out so badly with his Farside Cartoons about how cows stand up after you drive by, I might give them a chance.  





Maybe…..maybe…




aww, who am I kidding, HELL NO.  They are ALIENS.  And yes, I enjoy eating the heck out of them, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are spooky to look at with the big googly eyes and the weird eat me looks that they give you. 
And yes, I find it tremendously funny that every time we drive around our town (which is a big farming community) that my girls scream out the window when they see a cow….


ALLLLLLIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNSSSSS



Did you know that there are several sites on the internet dedicated to cows and aliens.  You thought that they were cutting them up to collect information on us.  HELL NO BITCHES…..






The Aliens have turned cows into their own and now use them to watch us.  Have you ever been up close to big cow eyes, it fricking creepy.  It’s like their eyes are empty and glassy…..also seriously what ever made cows must have been incredibly high using their vap-vap and super stregnth ganga weed and thought, “Wouldn’t it be so funny man….h-a h-a h-a to put, like, eyes on each side of their face!”  And their co-creater, was like….”Yeah, that shit would be da bomb, it will really creep out those humans.”





So there you go.  Cows are aliens. End of story.  Robert Mitchum  said it best, “Beef……its Aliens for Dinner”………….



Now, who wants a hambuger?   Anyone…………………………………………………………Anyone?

And Oreo's are Aliens too....LOOK AT THIS COW NEAR MY HOUSE

25 comments:

  1. I'm strangely hungry for a cheese burger now. You know my opinion on cows, I can't walk by them without shuddering in horror. I've got chills just now typing this.

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    1. Seriously.... I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are creepy, and yes, one of those bacon cheese burgers with a cold beer sounds so good right now!!

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  2. Somebody was just telling me the other day that aliens loved cows. But if you eat a dead cow - aren't bits of alien invading you?

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    1. Jayne - Yes...that is why you need the tinfoil on your head. That way the aliens can't read your thoughts! Kidding...kinda. It wasn't me that wore the tinfoil, it was a lady I worked with in our office.

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  3. You've certainly convinced me ;)

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  4. I am convinced cats are aliens. Ever notice how they stop looking at you or licking themselves and look around at nothing? They're getting transmissions from the mother ship...

    Pass the tinfoil hat, my cat just came in the room...

    Now I have to watch out for cows too?

    xxoo

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    1. Maureen - cat's are just pure EVIL. They would so eat you.

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  5. That's funny.... when they look at you with that "eat me" look!

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    1. Patty - yeah...you know they do!

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  6. Where do the keep their communicators? :)

    DL Hammons @ Cruising Altitude 2.0
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

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    1. DL - Duh, on their tails!! Have you seen those things?? They have a life of their own. LOL

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  7. My wife is so fascinated by these that the house is full of artifacts of cows and cows and cows
    (one day I am sure I will hear a moo from one corner of my house)

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  8. Cows are from outer space, they have two stomachs... I want two stomachs instead of this one really big one...

    Jeremy [Retro-Zombie]
    A to Z Co-Host
    IZOMBIE: Visit the Madness

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    1. Jeremy - I couldn't of put it better!

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  9. I think they are absolutely adorable. So friendly and soft. They make the perfect pet.

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  10. What it going on with that cow in the last picture? It totally doesn't look like it is put together right!

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    1. DetroitMom - I know, and I am the one who took that picture!! Crazy alien Cows

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  11. After my friend Annie moved to Sonoma, she called me one morning to tell me that she could see cows from her kitchen window—only she said that as though it were a good thing. Yikes.

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    1. I don't know...I would feel like they were watching me! You have to be careful of those chickens in Sonoma! It sucks when they get loose on HWY 12. Makes wine tasting a little more interesting

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  12. I used to call those pig-cows until I learned they are a breed Beulingo I think. I'm trying to visit all A-Z Challenge Blogs in April

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  13. You forgot the fact that Cows have four stomachs. and they have one boob with four nipples.

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    1. Melissa - they are flipping freaky

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