Monday, April 9, 2012

Hell....I vacationed in Hell



Have you ever had a vacation from Hell, where you actually drove through Hell and spent $50,000? 

Yep, we did.  I should have known better when the vacation started like this……..


Thank god that my husband is a fireman, because I would have crapped my pants and passed out.  But with him around, he just makes it seem easier and calmer.  “Jana, go get me a towel because we need to apply pressure.” “Get her some clothes to put on, and go start the car for me” “Jana, focus on me!”  On this particular incident, my youngest had fallen on the concrete and whapped her head right on the construction joint of the concrete and split her head like an over ripe melon.  After yelling at the doctors to consciously sedate her with an IV, 15 stitches later, we managed to get her patched up before our planned vacation.  (As for the moustache on her face, when asked what she wanted after being sedated, you know the nurse was thinking…juice…Popsicle…etc., my kid says…. “A moustache”.  What the hell?  A moustache…ok…I have pictures of the nurses posing with her while she is unconscious and we are painting a moustache on her face with my eyeliner.

And then…..

We are driving to our cabin with our boat for vacation and within the first hour, our truck dies – battery get replaced….we drive on.  Within the second hour, we blow a hole in the exhaust system driving the boat up a steep hill and over heat the engine.


Within the third hour of the vacation while towing the boat to the slip where we are going to dock the boat for a week, the brakes fail while coming to a stop sign.  Luckily we were able to roll through the stop sign and take a right.
 
Within the fifth hour, Mommy is drunk and crying because she can’t take this shit anymore.




The next day, after a fun filled day on the boat, we get back to the truck and find the tire flat.  Three hours later, two jacks, and an almost near death experience where my husband was nearly trapped under the truck when the jack failed, we get back to the cabin.


One hour later, Mommy is drunk again, and Grammie is steadily feeding Mommy more booze so that she doesn’t scare the kids.


At the end of the vacation, driving home….we drove through hell.  Over 120 degrees outside, no air conditioner inside since the truck couldn’t handle the air and towing the boat.  Kids wilting inside, adults sweltering inside, silence for the 4 hour trip on the way home.  


Until some jackass tries to pass us and our boat on a two lane levy road and almost rolls over his car because he doesn’t see the oncoming traffic.  I have never seen a wife beat her husband while inches from my car.  At least they had the decency, when we pull over to let them pass when it was safe, to stop and apologize for almost killing all of us. 

Day 8 of vacation, we bought a new truck.

One hour later, Mommy was drunk again because this vacation only cost her $50 grand.


16 comments:

  1. Knock on wood...but as a adult, no traumatic vacation experiences.

    As a kid our car always broke down on I-5 right outside of Coalinga, you know, where the Harris Ranch Farm is. We refer to that section of I-5 as our own bermuda triangle.

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    1. Jenn - DONT JINX YOURSELF!! Just you wait, I am a little worried about this next summer vacation, it should be a douzie!

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  2. OMFG I would've gotten drunk, too!

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    Replies
    1. J - I think I spent that week either giggling hysterically or drinking.

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  3. Damn! You definitely vacationed in hell. Glad everyone made it home in one piece.

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    Replies
    1. Tracy - Yeah, it was rank. But at least, we can laugh about it now. In that moment, I just wanted to go home.

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  4. Hell has so many versions, in the immortal words of Socrates, "I drank what?"...

    Happy... to the challenge "H" is for Harmonious!
    Jeremy [Retro-Zombie]
    A to Z Co-Host
    My New Book:
    Retro-Zombie: Art and Words

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  5. Maybe someone was trying to tell you that you shouldn't be going on vacation.

    welcome to me

    yummy stuff

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    Replies
    1. Ruth, I kinda wish they would of told me before I went on vacation. It would of been a lot cheaper!

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  6. Wow. I won't be complaining for a long time. I am sorry your trip was so miserable. Maybe next time will be better. Will there be a next time?

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  7. That makes Disney look like a bargain!

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    Replies
    1. Andrea - OMFG...Disney....that place is pure evil.

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  8. That sounds miserable. I just buy the kids a new video game and their happy for a week.

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