I’ve got questions…..questions that don’t necessarily need to be answered, but if you’ve got the time and/or inclination, please help a bitch out.
Or, if you’ve got questions, maybe I can help you answer them. See, do you see what I just did here; I just created a win-win situation for us both! Damn, I am so smart. (PS – It’s all the smarties that I stole out of my children’s candy baskets at Halloween, they are just kickin’ in!)
|Get Outta the road Turkey|
First, I want to know why that damn gaggle of turkeys is stalking me. Every damn day, EVERY day, as I travel down the dark stretch of back road that is the first part of my commute, they are there. I know this; I just know that those muthafuckers wait until I hit that curve at 50 miles an hour and they jump out in front of me. See, I think it’s a game that they like to play with me; I call the game Thanksgiving dinner. One of these days I am going to hit one of those bastards and stuff ‘em for dinner.
|Wear the hat Dwight, wear the hat|
For the love of all that is holy, when will my boobs stop aching when small babies cry? I stopped breastfeeding over six years ago and the minute I am around one shrill crying infant my boobs totally swell up and ache….I am not a fuckin cow, I do not make milk on demand…stop crying!!!
Speaking of cows, we are all in agreement here…there are no questions…they ARE ALIENS…if you don’t believe……click here…..See...see they are REALLY ALIENS
Why do my muscle relaxer pills say that I can take (3) in one day. Because I two (2) within six hours of each other and I became a zombie. Yep, that is right, a zombie…no higher brain function, drooling on myself, falling down (more so than normal you bitches) and the ability to speak in tongues. All I was missing was the stigmata and I could have heralded the end of the world.
|Did you eat poo, did YOU??, see he wont look me in the eye!|
Why does my pure bred dog eat shit? This is the first dog that we have ever purchased from a breeder (the rest of our dogs we gotten through rescue’s). This dog, all expensive like, is one step below my zombie relaxed self….
Why does Justice clothing market slutty clothing to my girls?? Both they and Old Navy – no my babies do not need string bikinis and flashdance ripped up shirts.
Why are you wearing your Juicy sweat outfits jogging? Shit you not, just yesterday I saw this lady (pretending to jog, but really walking) and she was decked out in her bling bling juicy track suit, complete with full make up, and hair in a high pony. She smiled at my husband, but she got this evil scowling look when she saw me. Ha ha, you read my blog….twatwaffle.
Why is my friend Jenn so afraid of midgets? This is unknown, so to help her out I have collected the following t-shirts that I am going to give her:
|Just in case there was a question|
|Jenn - ask for more INFO|
|Jenn - isn't your favorite color blue??|
|See Jenn - they would be the perfect height|
|Jenn - you always dreamed about firemen|
|Mr T looks so cool|
|Think of how tall we would be Jenn!!|
You've got questions?? Hit me up, maybe I could help you out!!