Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Verily, its all about the Va-jay-jay

Kind of like this...but lower

I bet you didn’t know that there was a vajazzling website??  








Pffffttt, hell, neither did I…Did you know there are “how to” videos on this site?  NEITHER DID I…..Holy Spaceballs.  Did you know that people can submit their own pictures??
  
this was a "mild" picture!!!


ACCKKKKK….disco balling my lady bits…what is the world coming to??

If you are so inclined….VISIT here…They call themselves the "official" Vajazzling Site





Apparently, you can also get Vaginoplasty and have your lady bits tightened and restored so that your vagina and supporting structures get rebuilt. 


 Also, if you are feeling a little bit down in the dumps and low on self-esteem, you can also get a labiaplasty so that you can “recreate a more youthful and aesthetically pleasing external genital structure, which will enhance your self image and self-esteem!!”



I didn’t know that my bits were “aesthetically pleasing” in the first place??  And seriously people, you HAVE to thank me for not showing you the pictures that I witnessed during my research.  OMFGAWD, seriously one hoo-hoo looked like it had one of those tube worms (you know the kind that you see in warm ocean waters) coming out of their labia.




Or having plastic surgery to re-attach your hymen so that you can “re-create “ your virginity.  Seriously, seriously.  It wasn’t a basket of flowers losing it in the first place, why on earth would I want to re-create that sweaty, groping, painful, short moment?  I’ll take my experience, Hubby’s serious experience and morph them together into a toe curling session that will knock my boots off.  Pffttt…go back to the beginning…no fucking way.

 Of course, my girls chose that exact moment to check out what I was doing on the computer and we had to stop for a minute and talk about our lady bits and why things looked a certain way.

This then reminded me about all the things that my mom never told me to watch out for when having girls….

For instance……..

A discussion on why Barbie’s feet do not get inserted into our privates when we are in the bathtub.

Why we can’t fit bathtub letters up there either, for that matter.

Why it isn’t acceptable do walk around naked and smack our private parts while dancing.

Or that your girls from infant to 3 can get labial adhesions where the hole totally closes up??  Yeah, that one was a little scary when I changed the diaper of Girl #1.  I swear I sat there for a moment and was like????  I picked her up, turned her over and started counting holes.  I swear to god, for a minute I almost got a mirror to check myself.  After hyperventilating for a second, I called the Pedi – apparently its totally normal and with a little topical hormonal cream, it opened back up.  Although, the pediatrician did not appreciate my hubby’s humor of asking if we could keep it that way until she was 18. 

To quote Joe Rogan…embrace the power of the pussy…but just don’t show me.  And chillax on the bedazzling....your hoo hoo is blinding me!!


12 comments:

  1. Do they recommend a Brazilian before you get vajazzled? And do you want to see pictures of my vert? I have very symmetrical labia, or so I was told by the dude who did my piercing. That was an interesting conversation...

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  2. Mandi - ack, no pictures!!!

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  3. My girlie bits just closed in on themselves in horror. Luckily you ended with a pic of Joe and now she's relaxing a bit!

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    1. Jenn - Joe makes it all better!! Ones of these days you and I need to go see him in the city. He is fricking HIlarious.

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  4. Who knew the V-spot was so popular? Honey at a certain age at the glitter, tightening, shaving, polishing in the world can get our girls looking sexy. And that is a good thing.

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    1. Debra - I am not saying that a good wax and keeping the under carriage well maintained is not something that needs to be done. Cause you know that you get that spring in your step when you lady bits are all ready to go. I'm just saying, like everything, we take shit WAY to far.

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  5. I don't even know what to say. Clearly I've been under a rock of naivete, as I did not even know such a thing could be done. Gah!

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    1. spotts - *lifting up the rock* hide back under here girlie...it's safe.

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  6. My nieces love to dance while smacking their lady bits. Perhaps it's something all little girls do, but I don't remember ever having done that. It sounds and looks painful. How do I get them to stop?

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    1. Nellie - You know, I have found that for the most part I ignore stuff and don't make things a big deal. Then they forget to do it, because I don't give them attention.

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  7. LABIA ADHESION!?! That's fucked up. I would have fliiiiiipped the fuck out.

    On a side note, that would be an *awesome* super power to have. "You're a dumb twat. You shouldn't have fucked with me."

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    1. Britt - If you ever get a chance to see Joe's stand up comedy - I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!! The made this sign language interpreter sign flying squirrel pussy for everyone, and I swear to got I almost wet my pants. Also, his show lasted from like 10 p.m. to a little over 2:30 and he had to be asked to leave the stage. It was GREAT!!

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