Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I DON'T KNOW...OK!!!!



IDK…I don’t know.


Usually, I hate this phrase.   Growing up, we weren’t allowed to say this phrase in our house, at least, around my Dad we weren’t.  I don’t know wasn’t acceptable.  It was acceptable to say that you are unsure of the answer, but you would find out and get back to him. 

It’s kind of how I am in my work life; I never tell someone that I don’t know.  It makes me feel weak and unsure, instead, I skirt around the subject.  I say that I haven’t seen anything like that before, or I am un sure of how that operates, but I will get back to them and let them know the answer.  Then like a mad muthafucker, I run around until I find someone who is WAY smarter than me that can help me figure out the answer.  (Typically, that’s not hard)

Having children….aww…fuck….I don’t know.

See, I recently came to the realization that scared the bejesus out of me.  I just realized that I am my parents and my MOM is now the Grandma.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??  DO YOU….DO YOU…..

It means that our world is D-O-O-M-E-D and the Apocalypse is definitely coming.

If my children have to rely on me and my generation to have all the answers to their questions, we are up the douchecanoe without a paddle. I harken back (you know to yesteryears, when we wrote on stone tablets and hunted for our food, I swear to God, this is what my daughter thinks it was like when I was growing up)

Digressing…Anyway, I harken way back, to when my parents were throwing parties or the gatherings that we had with families, and all of my questions could be answered.  

And holee guacamole, I threw out some doozies….


”What is the formula for photosynthesis??”  I would ask, some adult would answer 6CO2 + 6H2O - Energy in Sunlight - C6H12 + CO2




 “What types of clouds are there??”  My grandfather would answer, “Well, now when I was flying, I have seen cumulus, stratus and cirrus clouds, and the Northern Lights too…Did I ever tell you……”  SIX HOURS LATER





Or who the hell is in pictures?  Can you remember Great Aunt Minnie’s second cousins’ daughter’s husband who left her for Cousin Willie’s third wife?  And who the hell is holding me again while I am naked?  Jesus, did you need to let me run naked with the dogs?


Or would you ever know that Chicken Kiev and Chicken Fricassee were depression era dishes?   

Or that you should always check books and ceramics for cash?  Because that is where my grandparents hid spare money that they didn’t put in the bank. 

So here I stand…..and my children look up at me expectantly, with stars in their eyes, and breath held, waiting for me to dispense the all-consuming knowledge.



I DON’T KNOW……I DON’T KNOW DAMNIT….MOMMY JUST DOESN’T KNOW…OH…OH..QUICK…LOOK AT THE ELEPHANT…..(I run away)

I don’t know why Barbie wasn’t made with three holes?  Maybe they just didn’t want her to leak?

I don’t know why they don’t make beds for jumping anymore!

I don’t know why that man is yelling in the street at his quarter?  Maybe it jumped out of his pocket?

Yes, black people were at one time slaves, and No I don’t really know why this happened (at least I don’t want to get into a full discussion of why it happened) And NO, you CAN NOT ask your little friend at school if any of her relatives were slaves. Yes, I know… Yes, I know…but you just can’t.

Yes, I know that girls have vagina’s and boys have penis’s, and yes, they do come in all shapes and sizes, and no, let’s just, let’s just talk about this in a minute, let Mommy put down her work bag.  No, I cannot show you pictures on the internet.  (HUBBY…Dear Sweet BABY Jesus…HUBBBBYYY…..Get me the BIG GLASS)

No, I will not “Google” every question that you ask me.  And no, you cannot have my phone to Google yourself.



What happens when you die…?  Can you not ask me this question at 5:30 a.m. when Mommy hasn’t had her cup of coffee yet?

Are Ghosts, Mermaids and Vampires real?  Well, I have never met one, so I really can’t say if they are real or not.  Yes, I am sure that you are right and you totally saw that mermaid in Hawaii. 

Sob…gasp…sob….why can’t I be as cool as smooth as my parents and grandparents?  


My kids are doomed.

24 comments:

  1. I swear each generation of parents has it worse off. LMAO My future kids will be so screwed, because I know practically nothing.

    Speaking of "I don't know", I once got docked on a review at my last job because she said I said "I don't know". My jaw dropped. Now we worked with lots of machines that ran blood and serum and all that good stuff. Machines break down. I don't work for those companies so therefore I DON'T FUCKING KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THOSE MACHINES. That's what I told her. Well, without the "fuck" in there. THAT would have gotten me fired. And I'd like to point out that as my manager, she had to call me over to fix machines she was working on all the damn time because "she didn't know" how to fix it.

    *beats head against wall* (So glad to no longer work there)

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    1. Seriously? Wow, she sounds like a winner. It's a good thing that you moved on to bigger and better. It's weird about that phrase, some people take it to admit that you really don't know anything about your job when in reality, you are just being honest.

      Whatever...fuck 'em.

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  2. This post have me grinning and nodding my head with understanding LMAO! So glad I don't work out in the corporate world anymore. With all of the IDK's floating around in most of my workplaces my biggest question was 'How the fuck did this idiot become the boss? They know less than anyone else here!' As for our future generations looking to us for the answers...SCARY indeed!

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    1. Tracy - I'm am so jealous of you, no corporate world. I'm a slave to the man! LOL

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  3. I have started with the 'things have changed since I was in school . . . Google it!'

    sigh . . .

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    1. Cristin - Google and Urban Dictionary have so ruined my life.

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  4. I don't know what to say about all of this. :) just kidding.

    It's great.

    Teresa

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  5. You make me laugh long time! I have an answer for everything. Go on, ask me something!

    You know what I really think it boils down to? Our parents & grandparents for that matter lived in an age when drinking on your lunch hour was encouraged. Drinking on your lunch hour makes you smarter.

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    1. YES!! And, cocktail hour every day at 5 p.m. I would be SUPER smart

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  6. Bahaha! Maybe you can take comfort in knowing you're not alone. I don't know shit about shit. I swear I used to be smarter, but each day I just get dumber.

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    1. Goddess - OMFG, have you ever tried to do 4th grade math? My oldest daughter is in 4th grade, and her math is off the hook. It doesn't help that she thinks that I am totally stupid about math. Little shit, I have to do math every day for work!

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  7. Oh how I love the questions children ask. Once, my niece asked me why black people eat watermelon. I wanted to tell her that it was a stupid stereotype, and to never ask it again, but she is a child. Her mind is still pure, and she accepts everyone. She observed that her classmates, which are mostly black, brought this fruit as a snack often. Still, I remained offended.

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    1. It's a very sad tale that my MIL asked some random black person at the grocery store to pick a watermelon for her. I was utterly flabbergasted.

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  8. I was operating under the impression that we re as clueless as our parents were...until I read this! You are so right, in that there used to be answers...from humans!

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    1. Andrea - I know. It makes me sad for my girls!

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  9. Don't worry, you'll get there. My kid is in college and is amazed at some of the stuff I know. Like what is the best cure for a hangover or how to study all night and still make it to class and then work. Besides, I still know all the state capitals and can doing basic arithmetic faster than she can. Yup - hang in there!
    Http://msmousecleanshouse.wordpress.com

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    1. Mouse - Thanks, I know they will be smarty little smarty pants!

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  10. Hahaha! Mine have never asked toooo many questions, thank goodness. They seem to figure it out on their own...or they decide they 'know' it when they are about 15 or so. Of course, now they have the internet. I only had the books my older sister left behind, like 'The Naked Ape' and 'Coffee, Tea, or Me'. Or the few Playboys my brother left in his closet when he moved. Otherwise there was the dictionary. And National Geographic.

    My father was quite informative on the mechanics of flight and the habits of deer. He could also tell what kind of bird was flying from a distance of thousands of feet. My mother told me the names of almost all the people in the photos she took from her childhood home.
    She also taught me to make pie crust, although I have never perfected that. My father taught me to drive.

    Otherwise I was pretty much on my own. And my friends had some of the weirdest ideas about things...I don't think the got the details quite right.

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    1. My mom and grandmother know the name of every fucking plant known to man kind....how the hell do those rain women do it?

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  11. Love the Doctor Who baby!!

    I am trying to read all the A to Z blogs, but coming back to the ones I really like.
    Looking forward to seeing what you do all month!

    Tim
    The Other Side
    The Freedom of Nonbelief

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  12. Oh, man... My grandmother knew the name of every tree, plant, and insect. My other granny could cook anything (seriously, a-ny-thing). Pawpaw and Granddaddy could fix lawn mower engines as well as busted toys.

    Me? I'll be damned if I can remember what channel NBC is on the stupid satellite receiver. I need instructions and a hand drawn map to find the gas cap on my car. Don't even get me started on this crazy math The Kid brings home (please, DON'T get me started. I'll pay you not to).

    Great post. So funny; so true. =)

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    1. Sadie - I am totally there with you, I feel slightly cheated and under educated....WTH??

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